Reality at a Glance

Last weekend, I am very emotional. But I haven't shared this feelings with anyone. I can't... because I know the moment I open my heart, I will cry. I tried to detach my mind and heart from reality, but still, it hurts me the most.

I've already accepted Andrea's condition after I gave birth to her 7 years ago. I know the fact that she may not be able to walk someday. At least she can hug me tight and kiss me, recognize my face and my voice.

I planned to teach her some computer games that i enjoyed playing, maybe she will also enjoy it when she grows up. I also pictured us doing some hairstyle on her and wearing the same dress. We can read books together, sing together [I know she has a very beautiful voice] and go shopping at the malls together.

But these are just mere deceptions now.

Andrea lost her sight after her last operation 4 years ago. A pressure inflicted to her brain caused an irrevocable damage to her eyesight. Two years ago, she just lost her speech for reasons we, and her doctors, could not explain. She's on therapy now, hoping for some progress.

The truth is that she can't see my face again. The truth is that I could not hear her saying "Mommy" again. These realities are breaking my heart into pieces. I cannot think about more of the other "What-if"s.

I'm just not ready. Not yet.

T_T